Alpinestars, "77 Sunset Strip" (2000)

It's the new Goldfrapp single, "Number 1"!

Okay, it's not really.

Well, it is, but DIY-style. The effect will be the same, I swear. Just follow these eight simple steps:

1. "Download" the "file."

2. Print out the Goldfrapp lyric on a piece of paper, cut around the edges.

3. Use a hot glue gun, some string, eyes of newt, a squirrel's tail, and this image to fashion an Alison fright mask.

4. Wear mask. (But don't let it wear you.)

5. Play the file on a media player of your choice.

6. Treating the Alpinestars electro song as a backing track, sing. Make sure that the main keyboard riff shines through.

7. Subtract 76 from the whole shebang.

8. "Presto."