Baccara, "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie 2005 (Extended Mix)" (2005)

War and suffering. The Special Theory of Relativity. Cookies without milk. Kevin Federline. None of these things make sense. On the other hand, it's a no-brainer that "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie" has been covered by both Goldfrapp and Sophie Ellis-Bextor.

Because it's pervy: the first verse is so bossily on-the-make that you best listen to it with some form of full-body protection. "Mister, your eyes are full of hesitation/Sure makes me wonder/If you know what you're looking for." As in: are you certain you're looking for a cheap whore? Okay, maybe not "cheap," because I actually have a "reputation," and "if you try me once you'll beg for more." Phwoar, etc.. But you might want to stop pestering me, or else I'm going meta on your ass: "You wanna know if I can dance/Yes sir, already told you in the first verse/And in the chorus/But I will give you one more chance."

Because it's polite: in somewhat of a contrast to the come-hither, confident, sassy verses, the chorus is all deference. "Yes sir, I can boogie/But I need a certain song." How fussy. I like to imagine the line sung in the voice of a prim librarian...cast in the title role of the musical version of Oliver Twist. David Hyde Pierce could be good, but an electropop babe who always sounds like she has a stick up her ass -- and I mean that in the nicest way -- would do just as well. In a pinch.

Or maybe it's a deference that's in-character. Perhaps we have entered into some role-playing as we realize that the mister enjoys a bit of subservience. Perhaps the persnicketiness is merely another layer of come-on. Why, yes, I will keep these old lady glasses on, and my hair up in its bun. Whatever floats your boat.

This version of the song is the 2005 remix, because of course there is a 2005 remix (albeit one with a vampy piano straight out of 90s Italo). The glorious cheese, however, remains intact.